Not Yet
by x.o.x.13.x.o.x
Summary: Shay Lynn Williams is dying, and there's one person in her life who matters more to her now than he ever has before. A Kevin Jonas Fan Fiction.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

It was a Sunday. The day I found out I was going to die, was a normal Sunday like so many before it. I was attending a routine doctor's appointment. I had been experiencing abnormal sickness lately, but all around didn't feel too bad. Apparently this meant I had cancer, and there was a good possibility that in a little more than a year, I would no longer be on this earth.

My mother had broken down crying in the doctor's office, and it had taken me several minutes, almost half an hour in fact to get her out of there and into the car. I got in the driver's seat because due to her uncontrollable sobbing she was clearly unable to operate a vehicle. When we had found out, I had held her close and told her it would be alright, but it was hard for me to comfort her because she had instantly turned into an emotional wreck. I decided then, that the best thing to do was just to take her home, so that's what I did.

On the long stretch of highway from the hospital home, I began letting the news sink in, trying to drown out my mother's sobbing beside me. I had cancer, and would probably die from it; okay I had to deal with it. My mother had always told me how strong I was, and I realized I was most of the time, and I guess I realized that even at news like this, there was nothing I could do about it now, so coping was the best option. I won't lie and say I wasn't scared to die, but the thing that scared me the most was leaving my mother. I didn't know if she would be able to handle loosing me, but I knew if I made the rest of the time we had together count, I could try to help her deal with it. I loved her so much, and I knew this was killing her. I wasn't as scared of leaving my best friend, because I knew he was strong enough to move on with his life; however he was the only other person in my life who meant as much to me as my mother did. They would both be okay when I was gone, I was sure of it.

When we arrived home, I helped my mother out of the car and she immediately went to her room, unable to do anything but cry. She needed to be by herself so I told her I loved her, and left her on her bed. I made my way up the stairs and entered my room. I closed the door, turned the light off and got underneath the covers. It may sound like I went into a state of depression, but I really was just tired, and wanted to rest. I guess having cancer can do that to you. Oh well, I'll live; for now.

I was only eighteen. How could I have cancer? Why did I of all people get cancer? I let my mind wander to what the doctor had told me. He had informed me that over the last few months the cancer had progressed rapidly and was at a late stage. He didn't know the actual cause of the cancer, saying it could have been genetics or the environment, but informed me that it was irrelevant. My body would most likely loose it's battle within a year and a half, maybe less, but during that time I would still be able to live relatively normally, and try to enjoy the time I had left with my loved ones; my loved ones to me being my mother and Kevin. They were the only people that mattered in my life. It had always been just my mother and I, I had never known my father, and ever since the age of four Kevin has been my best friend. One day at school, a small curly haired boy had bounced his way over to me in the sandbox and informed me that we should be friends. I, a small brunette with not many friends, of course thought this was a great idea and we had been inseparable ever since. I chuckled as the memory of that day played through my head, at the realization that I had to leave Kevin, however, a single tear slid down my cheek. I loved him too much to leave this world without him. My tears suddenly turned into sobs, and I wept, not wanting to die, too scared to know what to do, and not wanting my life to end before I had experienced all of life's amazing milestones. I cried for hours, tucking myself into my duvet, and eventually drifting off to sleep from the exhaustion that had come from today's events.

*

I awoke a few hours later, and by now it was around eleven o'clock at night. I had slept for quite a while, but the sound of my cell phone ringing woke me, and I quickly answered it recognizing the personal ring tone set for my best friend.

I made sure I sounded somewhat normal before answering the phone, I couldn't tell Kevin yet, and I didn't want him to figure it out from my voice. "Hey Kev." I spoke semi-groggily, which was understandable because I had just woken up.

"Hey Shay, you don't sound too good." He observed. Damn that boy, he could tell from just two words that I wasn't myself and right now I hated that he knew me so well.

"I just woke up Jonas, I'm fine." I used a joking tone, hoping to throw him off.

"Oh, sleeping during the day now are we? Well I just thought I'd call before I went to bed 'cause I didn't see you today, how was the boring old doctors appointment anyways?" He asked.

"Thanks, I needed a nap, I didn't sleep to well last night, and it was fine, just as boring as ever." I lied, hoping I was being believable, I just couldn't tell him yet, not yet.

"Well that's good, so do you want to hang out tomorrow? Summer vacation just started and we're off to a pretty lame start, we haven't done anything yet." He explained.

"Uh-yeah sure, just not too early, maybe come over at around noon?" I asked, knowing I'd need the sleep, and time to get ready.

"Sounds Good Shay, I'll see you then. Good night!" Kevin added, and I wished him good night hanging up the phone just in time to feel nausea hit me.

I jumped out of bed and ran into my bathroom, just in time before emptying my lack of stomach contents into the toilet bowl. Dying sucks.

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[size=1][b]Alright that was chapter one. Thoughts? Also I'd just like to clarify a few things, one I don't know much about cancer, so I won't specify the type she has, it's not really relevant anyways. I guess you could say I made up my own type of cancer because I'm not sure of the symptoms, or lengths of time people are expected to live and whatnot. It's all really irrelevant to the story line anyways, and I'll make it up as I go. Anyways, what do you guys think? Comments are love.[/b][/size]


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

I woke up around ten the next morning, unable to pull my weakening body out of bed before that. The first thing I did was wonder into my mother's room and not surprisingly found her still sleeping on the bed. Yesterday had been extremely hard on her, and the fact that I was putting her through this almost made me sick. I climbed up beside her and hugged her tightly.

"I'm going to do something with Kevin today." I informed her as she hugged me back, pushing the hair out of my eyes.

"Are you feeling well enough?" She asked sounding concerned.

"I'm as good as I can be, and there's no point in me sitting at home day in and day out, I might as well try to enjoy as many days as I can." I informed her, and she quickly saddened again thinking of how few days there may be left for me.

"Are you going to tell him Shay?"

"I know I have to, I just don't know how. I'll try to tell him today." I informed her.

"He deserves to know Shay, make sure you tell him soon," she told me before I climbed off her bed and headed for the shower.

"I know." I said to myself letting out a sigh.

After dressing in my favorite pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, I decided to throw my hair in a ponytail knowing straightening required too much effort, and Kevin didn't care what my hair looked like.

Just as I had finished tossing my hair up, I heard a car horn from outside, and I knew it was Kevin. I looked over my appearance one last time in the bathroom mirror. I really didn't look much different then I normally did, and all things considered, being on the path to death was one of them, I could pull off looking like any other teenage girl pretty well.

So I grabbed my purse off the counter, and made my way out of the bathroom, down the stairs and to the front door. I paused before opening it, realizing I would have to tell Kevin today, and not knowing how to do it, was breaking my heart. I didn't want this burden to fall on him because of me, I knew he would want to do everything he could, and he would probably over react, inconveniencing his entire life for me, and I honestly didn't want that for him. I knew I had to tell him, but figuring out how was proving extremely difficult for me. "I can do this", I told myself aloud as I opened the door and made my way down the driveway to my best friends car.

As soon as I got into the car, the familiar face of my best friend smiling back at me instantly brightened my day. "Hey Shay." He said, giving me a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"Hey Kev." I beamed back, not having to pretend at all. Seeing Kevin had instantly made my world feel normal again, and the sick feelings that may have been fluttering in my stomach earlier had subsided. I felt normal instantly and things were how they always had been.

"I was thinking we could head to the mall, I need you to help me pick out a new jacket, I trust your opinion a lot more than I trust mine." He informed me with a laugh.

"Sounds good, sometimes you need my feminine help." I joked back. His fashion sense was actually very good, and he was one of the best dressed boys I knew. He did have his days however, and we both knew I'd never let him live it down if he picked out an ugly winter jacket.

On the ride to the mall Kevin chatted excitedly about how much fun this summer would be, and all the things he had planned for us to do together. He had basically decided that this summer would be the best memories of our lives because we had just survived high school, and we needed to live a little. Live a little, huh, I guess that's exactly what I needed to do. Knowing life wouldn't give me much more time for things like these; I smiled and agreed with him, laughing at some of his more ridiculous ideas.

When Kevin pulled in outside the doors to his favorite store, we exited the car and headed in quickly. It was cold outside, and I was finding it hard to keep warm. Seeing me shiver violently Kevin grabbed me and rubbed my arms, pulling me in close to him. "Jeez Shay, I think your coming down with a cold or something." He chuckled pulling me through the doors with him.

"Nah, I'm just always cold." I smiled back. I was finding it so hard to tell him the truth, I didn't want anything to change, and I thought that if I acted normal that everything would stay the same. I wouldn't get deathly ill, I wouldn't eventually die, and I wouldn't lose my best friend.

We walked into the store and Kevin started grabbing jackets like a mad man. "Blue, Green? No, brown…Shay. Black?" Black matches everything," I chuckled at him.

"Yes Kevin, black is fine. However, you're not in a biker gang put the leather back," I said handing him another jacket that suited him much better.

He beamed at me, "thanks Shay. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself," he said walking over to the closest mirror and dragging me along. He slipped the jacket on and popped the collar like a fool.

"How do I look?" He said trying to imitate James Bond or some hot male character. I laughed and walked over, expertly refolding his collar.

"Like a tool," I said straightening the jacket. He frowned.

"Now you look handsome as always Jonas," I said smiling at him. He really was quite beautiful, but he had no idea. Kevin never thought of himself as really good looking but I always thought he was very handsome. Not to mention he was a great best friend, sensitive, always there for me when I needed him. Perfect in many ways really.

Kevin smiled at me, "so it's this one then?" he asked.

"Yup, that's the one Kev," I agreed.

Kevin bought his jacket and insisted on wearing it right away. He put it on and wore it around the mall. I laughed at him because it was like eighty degrees in there with all the people, but hey, he liked his jacket.

As we walked I glanced around the mall at some familiar faces, classmates, people I'd seen my whole life. They would all grow old, fall in love, have kids, and get married. I on the other hand would not. I glanced over at Kevin who was completely oblivious and in good spirits now that he was spending time with me. I wasn't sure if I would be able to tell him today and crush his good mood. I examined the boy in front of me. The boy I'd grown up with and the boy I loved with all my heart as the best friend in the world. Kevin would find some beautiful women who would treat him right, a girl he would marry and grow old with. He would chase his kids around the yard and laugh with them and maybe even think back every once in a while and remember the little girl he used to run around the yard with. Maybe every once and a while he would think of me. That's all I could ever ask for from him.

Ahhhh, I had to stop writing this here I was getting too emotional guys. The rest of this day will be continued in chapter three. I owe a big thanks to my sister Megan for some help on this chapter, she's amazing. Anyways, please let me know what you think, comments make my day!


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